Kingdom Hearts Castle Oblivion CRACK
by Akarui Siren
Summary: Yes it's nothing but nonsensical CRACK... a co-op with my friends on MSN.... a year ago. x'D


**CRACK JOKE - Battle in Castle Oblivion**

Starring : Sora, Roxas, Reno, Axel, Ienzo, Zexion, Namine, Larxene and Demyx.

* * *

Sora walked into Castle Oblivion and saw some familiar faces in a room. He was greeted by a 9-year old child who stood in front of him and introduced himself as Ienzo. Sora looked at the little boy and scratched his head. "I don't know Ienzo, but you looked like Zexion."

"I'm Ienzo! I-E-N-Z-O-! Got it into your brain cells?"

"Ok. There is Demyx, Namine, and Larxene... And you are Zexion. And you fight with a book. Riku told me."

"I am Ienzo. And I fight with a notepad."

"...Where did Axel and Roxas go?" Larxene folded her arms, questioning no one.

Ienzo took off and ran away from Sora and he started to run after him. "Hey Zexion...!! Don't go running away!!" He accidentally knocked onto Larxene and fell down. He looked up and pointed a finger at Larxene. "You kicked me!!"

"...So what, Sora? You deserved it. Besides, for the record, you attacked me first."

"You called Riku a fake!"

"Because it was."

"No he is not!"

"Gee... How did I get in here?" Reno wandered into the Castle and glanced around. Then he saw Namine and walked over to her. "Hey sweetie..." He tilted Namine's head up with his finger to her chin as he looked into her eyes. "You look cute." He smirked.

"Eh???" Namine face flushed at Reno's comment. She darted away and ran to Demyx.

Reno looked around. "Who are you guys?" Then he noticed Larxene. He approached her and grinned. "Say... Hey sexy." Suddenly, Reno got smacked by a notepad in his face.

Larxene turned to look at the red head. "Hahaha... That's funny..."

"Hey! I'm talking to you here! Don't get distracted!" Sora yelled.

"Oh, I'm sorry Sora. You want something?" Larxene lifted her leg and kicked Sora. "There you go."

"OUCH!" Sora muttered. "Man... Where's Donald and Goofy when you need them..."

"So what do you want, Sora?"

"Arghhh... I'm getting Roxas back!! Stupid Organization XIII."

"Hey, you have anything more to say about the Organization, Sora!?" Larxene lashed out her kunai. But she was too late. Sora had reverted to Roxas.

"Erm... What happened?" Roxas asked.

"Hey, Roxas... You better go comfort Namine. Reno scared her to death, I think."

* * *

Meanwhile, Reno turned to the 9-year old Ienzo. "What the f..." He took out an extended rod and walked towards him. "You gonna mess with me, shorty?"

"You think I am scared?" Ienzo stepped out and glared at Reno. He ran towards Reno, jumped onto him and poked his nose with two fingers.

"Ouch... This is so Dejavu..." Reno rubbed his nose and stared at the kid. "Why do I have to fight a kid?"

"Because you are a loooooooooooser~!!!"

Reno stared down at the kid. Should I get a helicopter down? But the kid had darted away and hid behind Demyx. Reno then looked up and noticed a blonde boy in their mist. The blonde boy stared back at Reno, with Namine hiding behind him. Larxene noticed Reno's curiosity and said, "This is Roxas. What's your name anyway?"

"Must I tell you?" Reno smirked.

"What did you do?" Roxas questioned.

"Say..." Reno put his finger to his lips. Then he turned his head slightly to see Namine and winked at her.

"I think that's what scared her." Larxene commented.

"You bastard!" Roxas rushed forward and punched Reno in the face.

"What the...?!"

"Stop looking at her you flirt!"

"Itai!" Reno felt blood oozing out from his nose. He grabbed Roxas' collar. "Why do you bastards love to aim for my nose!"

Larxene pushed Reno away with a snap of electricity. "Hey, let go of him."

"Wow, sexy is targeting me eh?" Reno dropped Roxas, his hand shaking from the electric shock.

"Thank you Larxene." Roxas said as he dusted himself.

* * *

Demyx noticed a small figure hiding behind him. "Huh? Who is this person behind me?" And he pushed Ienzo away from him. The little boy looked up, shocked. But he insisted and tugged onto the Nocturne's sleeve. Demyx pulled his sleeve away and walked off. "I don't know who you are, though..."

"Don't leave me...!!" Ienzo ran and grabbed onto his back.

"Wha-? Get off from me..." Demyx pushed the child away again.

Ienzo watched Demyx walked away and sobbed. He noticed Namine standing beside her. He turned to her instead and slapped her twice. Namine was shocked by Ienzo's sudden attack and started to cry. Roxas saw and ran over to Namine. He pushed Ienzo away and hugged Namine. "Hands off!" Roxas yelled. Ienzo fell back and whined.

Demyx created a water clone and blocked Ienzo from getting onto Roxas and Namine. "Don't slap my friend." He said coldly. Ienzo stared up at Demyx, a burning hatred in his eyes. He threw a Notepad at Demyx's face. "I HATE YOU!!!" Ienzo cried and ran away.

"Stop fighting..." Namine sobbed.

Larxene glanced over to Namine. "Hey Witch, just calm down... Everything is fine..."

"...Ienzo?"

"...Ienzo is just a little kid. He does not know what he is doing, Namine."

"...Talk to him, please?"

"...No, not me... Demyx should talk to him..."

"But the kid hit me with a notebook!" Demyx complained.

"...Please? He looked a bit like Zexion, doesn't he?" Namine tugged Demyx.

"What do you want me to do?"

"Talk to Ienzo! Hug him!"

"But he threw a notebook at my head!! You are sending the wrong man, Namine."

* * *

Reno equipped a Firaga materia and had his gloves on. "Since you are gonna do magic. I shall do too..." Reno said as he lifted his hand up at Larxene. The materia glowed and generated flames at Larxene.

Larxene darted to the side, barely dodging the flames. "Wow, flames now..."

"Hey, why sexy? Reminded you of something?" Reno attempted another flame shot at her.

Larxene moved to the side, but the flames grazed past her left arm. "Ahh... Why on earth are you attacking us?!"

Suddenly, a blue fur ball jumped onto Reno's face and he fell to the ground. He pulled the fur ball off his face and stared at Stitch in front of him. "What is this? This fella looked familiar..."

* * *

Namine frowned and dragged Demyx along with her. Ienzo heard footsteps coming his way and peered behind the pillar to see who it was. Namine reached out her hand and grabbed Ienzo by his collar and threw him straight at Demyx.

"Ahhh!! Evil kid, I don't know!!" Demyx turned and ran away.

"AHHHH!!!" Ienzo screamed, flying in mid-air.

Larxene noticed and watched, "...Er, did you just let Ienzo drop to the floor?"

"Yes, I'll let him drop to the floor!" Demyx chuckled.

"Huh?" Reno turned to the scream. "...!!!! WHAT THE HELL!? That sweetie actually threw a boy!?" He ran and caught hold of Ienzo. "Gotcha." He held him in his arms. "You so owe me a favor, boy."

"Where on earth did these two come from?" Larxene finally asked, gesturing to Reno and Ienzo.

"Don't you find me handsome?" Reno smirked.

"Neh, you all should welcome the visitors." Namine said.

"...Visitors? More like intruders." Larxene turned to Reno and Ienzo. "When are you two going to leave?"

"Can we just take their hearts instead?" Demyx suggested.

Larxene clamped Demyx's mouth shut with her hand. "Don't say that aloud..."

"But it'll help the Organization." His complaint was muffled by the gloved hand.

"Whisper it to us, not aloud!"

"Are we gonna do it or not?" Roxas shouted as he summoned his keyblade.

"Yes we are!" Larxene said.

"Why should I leave?" Reno said. "Especially after that babe gave me such ill-treatment."

Ienzo woke up from his dizziness. He pulled away from Reno and stood onto his feet, an adrenaline rush empowered him. "It is PAY BACK TIME." Then he summoned his Notepads and created Notepad Barriers. They pushed Demyx, Larxene and Roxas away from the two.

"Wah wah... What's the rush?" Reno stood up as he stared in amazement at Ienzo's power. "Are you serious, boy? I had never seen anyone using Notepads against enemies before." Then He shrugged. "Here is something for you boy." He cast re-raise on Ienzo and himself.

"Roxas, go use your keyblade on them and do what Demyx had just said aloud earlier!" Larxene shouted.

Roxas leaped forward. "Eat freeze!"

But Reno managed to block blizzard spell from Roxas easily.

"Hey! Hey! Burn this!" Ienzo summoned more Notepads.

"You think I'm a fire generator?" Reno frowned but did as he was told. The firage materia glowed and ignited the Notepads with flames. Ienzo then sent the burning notepads flying towards the attackers. But Demyx cast water and drenched the Notepads and Larxene tore the Notepads apart with her kunai.

Roxas swung his keyblade and knocked Reno off balance and he fell to the ground. Ienzo jumped from behind Reno and kicked Roxas in the face.

"Oww..." Reno whined.

Larxene took this chance and grabbed onto Reno's arm and electrocuted him. Roxas fell but ran and head butted Ienzo. Ienzo turned and farted straight at Roxas' face. But Roxas countered and stabbed him in the ass. Ienzo rolled over and limped back to Reno.

"That blonde is... wtf!?" Reno stared blankly. He looked over to Ienzo. "You ok, boy?"

"My butt hurts..." Ienzo whimpered.

Reno then carried Ienzo and lifted him onto his shoulder. "We got a plane to catch." He ran out of Oblivion Castle and went into the helicopter which was parked outside the building. He let the child in before he pressed a button on the device. The helicopter started to ascend. Roxas ran out of the Castle and grabbed onto Reno's leg. Ienzo lifted his hand and poked Roxas' eyes with his fingers, forcing the key-bearer to release his grip.

"Argh my eyes...!!"

"We'll meet again... Next time." Reno said. He summoned the Golden Bahamut. "Sit tight, boy." Then he hopped into the pilot seat and flew off.

* * *

The Great-looking beast was towering over Larxene and Demyx.

"...Great, a Bahamut. Where's Zexion and his Lexicon when you need him?!" Larxene growled.

"It hurts!!" Roxas cried out in pain. Namine ran to Roxas and attended to him.

The Golden Bahamut swung its tail at Larxene and Demyx. Both of them got hit and flew away.

"Oww..."

"Demyx... Just get up! And use your waterfall or whatever!" Larxene yelled. Demyx nodded and blasted the monster with water. Larxene casted lightning and struck straight at it. But it gave little damage.

Demyx was confused and tried to reason with himself. "But water conducts electricity..." The Golden Bahamut retracted its wings and formed into spears and struck at Larxene and Demyx. "Oh shoot!" Demyx tried to get out of the way with Larxene dodging the attack beside him.

The spears returned and formed back into its wings. It roared and summoned a limit break. Meteorites appeared and clashed into where Larxene and Demyx were.

Demyx managed to make a quick escape into a portal. But unfortunately for Larxene, she got trapped in the attack and got hit vigorously by the meteor storm. When Demyx reappeared, Larxene was no longer there. She died.

Finally, the Golden Bahamut flew into the sky and disappeared.

"Oh god... That was scary..."

"Demyx, you let them got away!" Namine said.

"Gah! I'm sorry. I was going to die from that last attack." Demyx looked over to Roxas. "We should take Roxas inside..."

Suddenly, Roxas reverted to Sora.

"AHH!! It's the Roxas look-alike! Don't kill me." Demyx squirmed.

Namine hugged Demyx. "Don't kill me too!"

"You're not doing anything bad right? Why would I want to kill you? Tell me what happened..."

"Well, two guys attacked us. One who looked a lot like Axel and the one was a kid with evil Notepads of Doom." Demyx said. "...And the guys went off in a helicopter.."

"Okay..."

"Don't worry Namine, at least those evil guys had left."

"Where is Roxas?" Namine asked.

"He is somewhere inside (me)... resting." Sora answered and smiled. "Don't worry Namine, he is okay."

"Really?"

"Yup. He just needs rest. His eyes hurts, your know? Haha. Mine too actually." Sora rubbed his eyes.

"Sora... Why don't you sleep? Your eyes hurt..."

"I sleep? Why do I need sleep?"

"Your eyes hurt, right?"

"Oh, I'm okay." Sora grinned.

Demyx had portal back to his room to sleep without the two knowing.

* * *

"I wanna eat Burger King..."

"Burger King?" Reno started to think. "Where in Loveless Town has Burger King?"

"Else McDonalds? Or KFC? Macdonald got kiddy meals!!!" Ienzo said. "Is that your pet? It's awesome..."

"Er... No? It's just a Summon." Reno said as he checked the co-ordination on the map. "So, where to again?"

"But your pet is awesome!"

"That's not my pet, it is a Summon." Reno repeated.

"Oh! Oh!" Ienzo tried to examine the map. "Burger King should be somewhere around here..." He pointed.

"Erm... Is that the one?" Reno pointed at Burger King Restaurant in the vicinity. Ienzo nodded his head. "Alright then..." The helicopter landed swiftly quite a distance away from the restaurant. "Alright, we are here..."

"WHEE!! MUSHROOM SWISS MEAL HERE I COME!!"

"Erm erm boy. Don't just jump off yet. Wait for the helicopter to stop completely. You still want your head, right?"

"Uh... Ok..."

Finally, the helicopter stopped. "Alright... You can jump off now." Where the hell did I get here?

"Yay~" Ienzo hopped off the helicopter and ran into Burger King Restaurant. "I want Mushroom Swiss Meal, up-size!"

"Another one for me."

"Did you bring cash?"

"Yeah I did." Reno handed 1k Gil to the counter. Ienzo then brought the food over to the table.

"Hey boy... Do you feel that the place over there is kinna familiar yet... ARGH!!" Reno felt a sudden headache. Materias fell out and disappeared. His goggles melted and dissipated. "Omg... ARGH..." He grabbed his hair.

Ienzo shut his eyes. "I think I remembered..."

Reno's body enveloped into a raging flame while Ienzo's enveloped into shadows of darkness. Then it revealed two guys in black cloaks, one with red spiky hair and the other with lilac smooth hair.

"Er... What happened?" Axel asked.

Zexion felt weary and fell onto Axel who caught him in time. "I had a dream. A funny dream."

"Talk about Blank with a capital B..."

"Why are we in Burger King?" Zexion looked around. "I wanna go Mos Burger..."

"No idea." Axel frowned. "I think we should get back to Castle Oblivion?"

"Ok... I don't have the power to open portal... You do it."

Axel opened a portal. "Let's go."

* * *

Axel and Zexion entered through the portal and appeared before Sora and Namine.

"Are you alright now, Zex?" Axel asked.

"Slightly..." Zexion tried to stand up on his own.

"Never mind... Let me carry you." He kneeled down and carried Zexion on his back. Zexion wrapped his arms around Axel for support.

"Ah, Axel." Namine waved.

"Oh hi." Sora nodded.

"Yo Namine and... Sora?!" Axel narrowed his eyes, feeling puzzled.

"Yesh?" Sora asked.

"Is everything okay?" Axel asked Namine. Then he rubbed his nose. "You know... I don't know why my nose hurts so bad..."

"Did someone hit your nose?" Zexion asked. Then he frowned. "And my butt hurts."

"I don't remember that." Then he turned to Sora. "What is Sora doing here?"

"Me?" Sora grinned.

"You wanna play memory game? But too bad I'm occupied."

"Hello Sora." Zexion lifted his hand to Sora. "Let's shake hand." Axel walked to Sora for Zexion to shake hand with. But Sora slapped Zexion's hand away.

"You hurt Riku."

"I think you should give him the card, Zex." Axel prodded.

"Card? What card?" Zexion asked, patting his pocket.

"Memory Card?"

"PS2 Memory Card?"

"Not that one..." Axel prodded. "THAT CARD!"

"Er... Name card?" Namine frowned.

"You know I know Namine know?"

"Oh! Ok!" Zexion got what he meant and pulled out a Zexion Card with his signature on top. "There." He gave it to Sora.

"You guys are weird." Sora commented.

"I'll give mine later..." Axel said as he walked away with Zexion on his back. "Namine, let's go."

"Geee... Weirdoes." Sora frowned and turned away to look for Donald and Goofy. He threw away the Zexion Card away.

(Zexion : Awww......)

(Axel : What a waste.)

(Namine : True.)

"......"

(Zexion : Indeed...)

(Axel : Exactly...)

(Zexion : Most Assuredly...)

(Namine : Yeah...)

(Zexion : How tragic...)

"STOP TALKING IN MY HEAD...!!!"

(Axel : He would need it... And now is gone...)

(Namine : Who knows?)

(Zexion : No more magic boost for the poor felle...)

(Axel : It's okay... Easier battle for us... =3)

(Namine : True~ xD)

"......"

(Zexion : Aiyo... Nvm lar... He faces flowerpot man without magic de.)

(Axel : He has to go through 2 rounds...)

(Namine : Yeah. Who is flowerpot man? O_O)

"I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!!" Sora reverted back to Roxas.

* * *

"..." Roxas sat at one corner, eyes closed. "My eyes hurt..." Roxas turned his head, hearing a familiar voice. "Namine?"

"Eh? Roxas?" Namine looked back.

"Sorry Axel... Let me rest on your shoulder for awhile..." Zexion rested his head on Axel's shoulder and fell asleep.

"Namine, I need you to pass something to Roxas while I bring Zexion back to his room." Axel called. "Grab the mega-elixir inside my right pocket..." Namine nodded and do as she was told. "Yeah thanks. I'll be back." Then he opened a portal and into Zexion's room. He prodded Zexion. "Hey dude... You're back in your room."

"huh hnn..."

Axel lowered Zexion down to his bed. "Better get some sleep." And Zexion fell asleep almost immediately. Axel stretched his body, aching. "Wow... How long did I carry him?"

* * *

"Axel gave you this..." Namine sat next to Roxas.

"I'm okay Namine... I'm not hurt. Just that... I can't open my eyes..."

Axel warped back to where Namine and Roxas were. "How's he?"

"He cannot open his eyes..."

"Oh?" Axel went over and opened one of Roxas' eyelids. "Oh gawd."

"OUCH!" Roxas slapped Axel's hand away.

Namine handled the mega-elixir back to Axel. "Thanks Namine." Axel said. "Hey partner... If I don't do this, your eyes gonna stay like that forever." Then he instructed Namine. "Namine, grab onto Roxas' hands if he were to struggle again. It's gonna hurt."

"No." Roxas whined. "Stay away~!!!"

Namine grabbed hold of Roxas' hands. Axel swiftly lifted up one eyelid and drips a drop of mega-elixir onto his eyes.

"ARGHhhh!!" Roxas pushed Namine away and took off.

"What the..." Axel rushed forward and pinned Roxas against the wall. "Don't move..." He dripped a second drop onto the affected eye.

"NO!" Roxas lifted his hand and punched Axel but Axel bore with the pain and dripped the third drop onto his eye.

"Calm down, Roxas..." Namine looked at Roxas, worried.

"ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

"What the hell."

Roxas summoned his keyblade and pushed Axel away. He covered his eyes and portaled away. Axel smashed the empty bottle against the wall.

"WHAT THE F-"

"Axel!" Namine panicked.

"You better find him, Namine... He can't go anywhere far in that state..." Axel said and Namine quickly nodded and went to find Roxas. Axel punched against the wall. "DAMN IT... His other eye..."

* * *

"Roxas? Roxas...?" Namine called.

"..."

Namine kneeled down and hugged Roxas. Axel warped to the place that he sensed Namine was. "Found him?" Namine looked up at Axel. Roxas was whimpering in her arms.

"Roxas..." Axel sighed. "Just bear with it for another moment okay? Just one more eye to go..."

"...Roxas, bear with the pain alright?" Namine whispered.

"I... It's..."

Axel approached Roxas and laid a kiss on his forehead. "You don't want us to worry right?"

"No..."

Axel took out another mega-elixir from his left pocket. "That's right... If you are in pain... Just punch me okay?"

"Or slap me." Namine volunteered.

"Ok... Here we go..." Axel said as he lifted Roxas' left eye and quickly dripped three drops of mega-elixir. Roxas recoiled with the pain and bit his lower lip. Then Axel gently let go of his eyelid. "Okay, it's done... You just need rest..." He wrapped around Roxas' eyes with his long handkerchief. "Let's bring you back to your room..." And carried Roxas into his arms. "Please open the portal to his room for us."

"Me?" Namine looked at Axel. Roxas relaxed and leaned onto Axel's chest.

"Yep... I can't do it with my hands occupied."

Namine obeyed and opened portal for Axel and Roxas.

"Thanks." He smiled and walked through the portal to Roxas room. He laid the boy down on his bed. "Namine..."

"Hmm?"

"Take care of him for me... Remove the cloth after three days."

Namine nodded and sat next to his bed. Roxas had dozed off to sleep it seemed.

"Guess the pain took his energy away..." Axel said. "I'll leave him to you girl... Thanks."

Then, he portaled away.


End file.
